Bath time
by Hitokiri No Datenshi
Summary: Dee and Dum wanted a bath with the newest foreigner, but when she finds out that they just soak instead of bathe, she takes matters into her own hands. Elliot and Blood being dragged into this silly mess towards the end. Reader Insert
1. Chapter 1

~ ~ This is a result from boredom and my first crack!fic as well as a reader insert. I had to put this intro in here since it wouldnt let me at the top. I got this idea when Blood, Elliot, and the bloody twins were bathing. I wondered if they acted so childish would they do childish acts like just soak in the bath rather than acutally bathing? And so here is the result of this maddness!~ ~

**Disclaimer:**

_**Dee**_**:** _Hitokiri no Datenshi__ does not own us or any other Heart no kuni no Alice Character_

_**Dum**_**:**_She wishes she did but sadly no she dont!_

_*you're name will be _, I thought there was no way in hell Alice would ever agree to this*_

* * *

I, _ was the new "Alice" in the land of hearts, and today Dee and Dum came over to the clock tower to ask something important (or so they say).

"Onee-Chan! Onee-chaaaaaaan!," they yelled in unison as they tackled me to the floor.

"Yes? What is it?," I laughed at their hyper-ness.

"We came to ask you to come to the Hatter Mansion! So you can sleep over!," they replied as we got off the floor. I dusted myself off and wondered if this was a good idea. The twins weren't called 'the bloody twins' for nothing! They almost killed me when I had arrived (as did Elliot try to do as well).

"Did you ask Blood or Julius?," I asked. At the mention of his name, Julius looked up from the clock he was working on and muttered,

"It's fine by me. Do as you will, you've already done all the errands I've asked you to do." The twins cheered at his reply.

"Boss said it was fine!," yelled Dee while Dum eagerly finished, "He'd be pleased to have you come over since you haven't visited in a while!"

There was no way out of it, so you got you're sleeping wear and waved good-bye to Julius as the twins dragged you to the Hatter Mansion. You really didn't want to go, but you couldn't refuse the adorable (yet sadistic) twins. Hopefully you didn't have to see Dupre, you plainly didn't trust him (but hey, you didn't really trust anyone!). When you got there, Elliot was at the gate.

"You brats! You abandoned you duties again! Oh, hello _," he said bashfully as he noticed you. Before you could greet him back, the twins yelled;

"We got permission from boss, stupid newbie hare!"

"Oh really? For what?," retorted Elliot.

"I'm sleeping over, apparently," you answered him.

"And she's sleeping with us!" yelled Dee, as both him, and his brother dragged you to their room.

~~~~After a fight over 'which is better? Grenade or axe?' in which you told them that both were cool but were horrible to use on someone, night had fallen.~~~~

"Onee-chan?," Dum asked.

"Hmm?"

"Will you take a bath with us?," Dee finished. When you told them no they resorted to two things: puppy eyes and shameless begging. After about two million 'pleases', you agreed and they quickly dragged you to the bathing room. You looked at the 'bath' which could really be considered an indoor swimming pool! The twins quickly started to undress, you blushed and covered your eyes.

"Dee! Dum! Don't you just start stripping!," you yelled. Sure you thought of them as your own brothers, but they really couldn't just start undressing to their birthday suits! Especially in front of a girl! Had no one taught them manners?(Err probably not.) Your hands got pulled from your face, and now peering into your face were the twins.

"Why not?," they asked. "Boss and the stupid hare don't mind," added Dee. You did a face-to-palm gesture as you sighed. Yes, clearly they weren't normal, here in wonderland.

"Dee, Dum, even though I truly love you as siblings, you still shouldn't expect me to just automatically behave like Dupre or Elliot do. I'm use to my friends stripping down to their underwear, but I just barely met you two! I'm not really ready for you to strip in front of me," you explained. They hugged you and muttered their apologizes before they went in to the 'bath'. You sighed as you stripped to you underwear. It would be really awkward if they would hug you again, especially if you were completely nude.

The water was cloudy, and it smelled of roses. There were even some flower petals floating on the surface. The water went up to your collar bone, which was a relief to you.

"Dum, Dee?," you asked, interrupting the twins' play.

"Yes onee-chan?"

"Do you guys just soak in here?"

"Yes, pretty much!," they replied happily in sync, again. This irked you. So you grabbed the closest twin near you (which happened to be poor, unfortunate Dum), put shampoo in his hair, and started to scrub the sweet-smelling substance in his hair.

"Onee-chan! What are you doing?," he hollered as his brother laughed.

"Just making sure you get clean! Didn't Elliot or Blood show you the proper way to bathe?," you replied.

"What is it that we failed to do?," asked a voice behind you. You finished with Dum's head and grabbed whomever's head the voice belonged to and did the same as you had done to the young boy.

"Ah! What did I do _ to make you be so mean?," whined Elliot as you, unmercifully continued your work (you probably had hurt his ears).

"You don't know how to bathe yourselves so I'm doing it for you!," you huffed. Blood chuckled at the scene before him while Dum started to scrub himself clean, in hopes that you wouldn't get mad at him and help him yourself.

"Blood! Come here so I can show you what you're supposed to do with this things!," you muttered as you pointed to the bottle of shampoo and the scrubs(?). He looked at you blankly for a moment before deciding that it'd be better to go along, he set his hat to the side and moved towards you. You repeated your previous act.

"_, I should hire you," he murmured with a smirk.

"For what?"

"To properly-" You didn't let him finish as you dunked his head in the water. He re-emerged from the water and wiped his eyes before commenting, "I'll take that as a no."

~moments later~

"Onee-chaaaaan," murmured Dum. You glanced up to see the guys (all except Blood) advancing eerily on you.

"You seem to need a lesson on the proper way of bathing as well," smirked Elliot. _Uh-oh this couldn't be good_, you thought. The twins grabbed you by the arms as Elliot scrubbed shampoo on your head, you yelled for blood to help, but he only chuckled. You took that as a 'no' as well.

_~Owari~_


	2. WeT cAt

"Onee-chaaaan! Please stay one more day!" begged Dum.

"Please! You only stayed for a day!" whined Dee. The twins were clinging on to you as you walked out of the Hatter Mansion. You sighed,

"It was actually two days guys!"

"Aw no fair _!" muttered Boris, jumping down from the tree. "You promised me you would come to the amusement park yesterday, but you came to the twins instead! Me and the old man went to look for you…."

"But onee-chan loves us more! She even took a bath with us!" yelled the twins, glomping you.

"Baths!" hissed Boris, "And _ loves me just as mu- wait you took a bath with them?"

"Yes I did, and do you even bathe Boris?" you asked curiously. The twins looked at one another, smiling mischievously.

"Do you use the yucky gooey stuff that smells girly?" asked Dum.

"And do you use the scrubber thingy?" added Dee. Boris looked at the three of you as if you were mad. He then replied;

"Um no, not really. I hate water! And the stupid goop! But the old man makes me take one every now and then! He doesn't seem to get that I'm a cat. But, _, since you missed our play-date, you have to sleep over now!"

"Make him take a bath onee-chan! He smells!" yelled the twins, making faces at the cat-man. Boris looked at them, a tad bit offended, then sniffed himself.

"I do not! I smell fine!" hollered Boris.

"You're ganna stink up onee-chan!" rebuked Dee.

"You have to promise to take a bath!" added Dum.

"But I took one yesterday!" replied Boris as he lightly bopped the twins' heads. You, through out the ruckus tried not to laugh out loud, but ended up giggling.

"But you didn't take one with onee-chan, like we did! If you promise to take a bath, you can take one with her!" suggested the twins, their faces lit with happiness with their deal. You looked at them shocked.

"W-wait! Don't I have any say in this!" you stuttered. The boys ignored your comment as they watched Boris contemplate the offer. Before you scream in defiance, Boris smiled and shook hands with the twins;

"Deal!" they said in unison. 'Great, just great,' you thought apathetically. Boris then grabbed your hand and started to lead you to the clock tower.

"Come _, lets get you a change of cloths and you can tell Julius that you're sleeping over while you're at it ~ !" sung Boris merrily, his tail swishing in amusement. 'Well at least he's not dragging me right away to the park,' you thought gladly.

You packed you're things for a two night stay at Boris's and informed Julius where you would be, then headed to the amusement park. It didn't take long to reach the park. Boris lead you to his room where you dropped you're things off. You went on some rides till you saw Mary Gowland, Boris groaned.

"He better not play that dreaded thing! _ if he asks or even suggests it, REFUSE!" he said as he shook your shoulders.

"Boris! Miss _! How are you guys enjoying yourselves?" asked Gowland.

"We're doing fine," you replied nervously.

"That's good! Oh I've learn a new song to play for you!" Gowland said as he took out his violin.

"Well we could do that tomorrow, since I'm sleeping over. Is that alright with you?" you said quickly.

"Oh that's great _! You're always welcomed here-"

"She staying in my room~ !" interrupted Boris. "So don't worry about preparing a room for her, old man! Oh and do you think you can get us a bath ready in an hour or so?"

Gowland looked at Boris as if he were insane. "A b-bath?"

"Yes a bath! That was the deal if _ were to come here! I'd have to take a bath with her~ !"

You did a face-palm. Gowland looked at you surprised. "Did _ make this deal with you?"

"No, the twins! I had no say!" you replied.

"Oh well! A deal is a deal~ !" sung Boris. "Thanks old man! See you later!" He yelled as he dragged you off to ride some more rides.

~After a few more rides~

"Where are you dragging me to now Boris?" you yelled behind him.

"My room, then the bath ~ !" he replied merrily as he opened the door. He went to his drawers and started rummaging threw them, throwing various objects as he did. You went to your knapsack and pulled out a towel, your nighties, and your undergarments. Boris yanked your bra away from your hand.

"_ what are these?" he asked curiously. You blushed and pulled them away from him.

"None of your business!"

"Aw come on _! You sparked the cat's curiosity!" he whined.

"Boris, curiosity killed the cat!"

"But satisfaction brought it back, dear _~ ! So are you ganna tell me or what?"

"Its underwear for girls."

"I thought they were some sort of glasses!" he laughed, a slight tint of pink gracing his cheeks. You blushed a bit more and laughed along with Boris. He grabbed your hand and lead you to another bath tub that seemed to be more of a small pool than a bath. The decorations on the wall were of rides, the tiles on the floor were different shades of orange, and the water smelled of cotton candy. The water was also murky and tinted an electric blue.

"Great, now I'm going to smell like food! I'm going to have to go play at the castle soon!" muttered Boris.

"No, Boris! You cant!" you yelled.

"Aw but _, I wont smell like me if I don't!" he argued. You sighed.

"We'll talk about this later. Now get in Boris."

He looked at you nervously. "Can I just stick my tail and call it good?"

"No." He looked at the door and ran for it. You caught him by his chain.

"Ahh! Let go! I don't wanna get in!" he yelled, tugging at his chain. You dragged him towards you.

"Tooo laate!" you sung as you pulled down his shorts, leaving him in his boxers.

"Hey! No fair _!" he yelled, then he pants (or skirts you). You glared at him then tackled his foot, startling him and making him fall on his rear. You took off his shoes, then tackled his shirt while he took off your shoes. You growled slightly as he tried to make another run for it. You caught him again, yanked off his gloves, and pushed him in to the bath.

"Success! It is miiiine!" you sang, doing your happy dance.

"Oh yeah?" asked the now soaking Cheshire cat, narrowing his eyes at you.

"Yup!" you replied, sticking your tongue out at him. He smirked mischievously. He jumped out, took off the remainder of your clothing (besides the underwear you perverts! Lol), and dumped you in the bath.

"No, its mine~ !" he chuckled, turning to leave. You quickly resurface and grabbed his ankle before he could run, causing him to fall face first. He landed on his hands, yowling.

"Oh no you don't!" you yelled.

"Come on! I took a bath already, see? I'm all wet!" he smiled sheepishly, hoping you'd let go. You smirked and dragged him back in the bath. His nails making a screeching noise as you did. "I'm clean! I'm clean! I swear I am!" he yelled above the noise.

"No. You're. Not." you grunted, dragging him in. He splashed as he ended up submerged. He dunked your head in the water once he surfaced. You grabbed the shampoo as you resurfaced.

"You are sooooo ganna get it now kitty cat." you said menacingly. He looked at you nervously for a moment before he tried to climb up, before he could you got on his back and poured some shampoo on his head. You started to scrub the goo in his hair, making it all foamy. He hissed and yowled.

"Ow! My ears!_ be careful!" he whined.

"Then stop struggling!" you huffed. He got you of f of him, grabbed the shampoo and scrubbed your head, you complained; "Ouch! Boris that hurts!"

"Then stop struggling _~ !" he replied, mimicking you. You blindly reached for his head, grabbed his hair when you felt it, and dunked him in. He grabbed your head and dunked it in. You both continued this process for a while, then stopped, gasping for air.

"I call a truce!" you said panting for breath.

"Agreed!" he said. "Lets call this good and get out, okay _-chan?"

"You haven't used the scrubs yet!"

"So?"

"Argh!" you growled tackling him once again. You grabbed the nearest sponge and started scrubbing the grime of his back.

"I can do it myself now!" he hollered as you unmercifully continued to scrub him down.

"Fine!" you yelled throwing the thing at him, hitting him in the face. He growled. "Oops?"

"Oops my furry tail!" he screeched tackling you.

~After water wrestling, a shampoo fight, a scrub fight, and a water fight later~

Gowland looked at the Cheshire cat and the foreigner, they both looked pink and squeaky clean.

"Looks like you both had a fun bath!" said Gowland happily. "Maybe I'll join you next time!"

Boris and _ looked at each other, they smiled, a tad bit evil. Gowland shifted a bit nervous from their smile. 'Was that a good thing to say', he wondered.

"If its anything like this bath, I don't think I would mind too much. _, how bout you?" asked the pink haired boy to the girl. You smirked,

"Nope~ !"

"Uh, well, I'll see you two tomorrow!" replied Gowland, walking off. The foreigner and the cat said their goodnights, then left for their room. Gowland could swear he could hear squeaking behind him as they all left their separate ways. 'I'll have that checked out tomorrow,' he thought to himself. 'Probably something loose.'

~Owari~

Me: Yeah this was kinda suckish...Give feed back Plz! Even though I probably failed and made charries OOC

Boris: I still love you tho! *Hugs*Me:*hugs back* Thank you for letting me put you in this!Boris: No prob Datenshi-chan~ ! You just owe me!*grins mischievously*Me:*pulls out a gun and hands it to Boris*Boris: Sweet!*takes it* No but you seriously gotta help me clean my room =^^'=Me: Righty-o!*jumps on Boris's back* And off we go!Boris: Sayonnara lovely readers! Review for my sake!*Waves and runs off into the sunset*


End file.
